Saturday, July 21, 2007

Was it T.I. or T.I.P.?

When you’re a gangsta, you have your image to uphold. I understand that. But as I have said before, when you roll with an entourage, it should be somebody’s job in the pack to be the designated GOON (omG, I like totally like just made this up but – GOON: get outta order nigga). When you’re a rapper, you more than likely have two or three. You know the guys I’m talking ‘bout… the dudes who crack the head of anybody that – well, you know… gets outta order.

In exchange for not having a real job, these guys roll with Rapper A everywhere… on tour, award shows, parties, community events… the public restroom. They get the groupie leftovers, a small salary (or large depending on the artist) and they get to eat for free. What a life right??? It’s a great alternative to working at the local Kinko’s or Burger King. So say Rapper A and their crew are walking by and some dude tries to snatch his chain – you know, the one with the damn diamonds on it. At that exact point, the Goon(s) jump into action and beats him senseless. Why? Cuz that’s just what they do. Goons have the understanding that if the situation gets really crunk and officials become involved, they take the fall… and Rapper A walks away unscathed. In exchange, Rapper A is supposed to make sure Goon gets money for commissary while in the pen and Goon’s family is taken care of.

Okay so now that we have that all set up… here’s he video that popped up on YouTube of security having to hold T.I.P. back :-\ after someone in the audience allegedly threw a cup (not bullets or bricks or rocks… but a cup) on the stage:

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Now… (In the voice of Bernie Mack) Why in the f*ck would T.I.P. – because I know T.I. has better sense – jump his five foot, six inch, one hundred twenty pound frame off of a perfectly good stage for that? Point him out to your Goon… let Goon either alert security or personally deal with the situation. Did he forget about the Akon incident with picking a boy up and tossing him off the stage because he threw something?! (btw… can we all have a discussion on why Akon even has a career as a SINGER???... sorry, back on topic)

Do you think this is T.I.P.’s desperate attempt to go back to jail… build some more street cred? Its bad enough that he got into a fight with Ludacris’ manager, Chaka Zulu, preceding the BET Awards (which he later apologized for during his acceptance speech on the show), but now this leading up to the ESPYs?! He seems like that cousin that WE ALL have – the one you can’t take anywhere because he’s always getting into it with just about everybody. Maybe he shouldn’t be invited to award show parties (pre or post).

T.I. is a father. Shouldn’t he be setting a good example for his kids? I know he’s done so in the past with his community involvement in the city of Atlanta and other projects where he’s donated his money and time… but damn it T.I.P.! Are we gonna have to banish you NIGGAland??? Go sit down and chill out!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Is He Still Out?

Once or twice a year, Suge Knight will raise his ugly head and end up getting media coverage. Although I already know the answer to the question I’m about to pose, I’ll just put it out there for the sake of conversation: Who the hell invites this guy to parties anyway???

Answer: Nobody. Suge invites himself.

I’ve personally seen it happen. No passes, no tickets, no name on the guest list… but Suge and his boys will punk door security, walk right in and DARE a muhphucka to say something to them. Now that right there is called intimidation! This dude is just bad news all the way around and I wish they could find something on him to keep his ass in jail for eternity. By the way, isn’t he on his sixth strike? California needs to stop playing around and put his ass back in the pen on D BLOCK.

I know poor little Kevin Connolly (Eric or “E” from HBO’s Entourage) wishes Suge’s big ass was in jail last week instead of being at the after party for the ESPY Awards. According to the New York Daily News’ Ben Widdicombe, partygoers saw Suge and Kevin “playfully wrestling” with each other and in the midst of this, Suge takes a bite out of Kevin’s finger. WTF?! A witness said that Kevin was “bleeding everywhere,” but he reportedly played it cool, acting as if it was okay that a six hundred pound psychopath just took a bite out of his hand.

Wow, this guy gets props for handling the situation with a cool head… or maybe he was in shock! I know one thing, you would have to look far and wide to find a black dude that would have been messing around, wrestling with Suge’s ignorant ass in the first place. I can just picture it now…

Suge: Hey pahtna, wanna wrestle?

Black Dude #1: (making the sound of a cell phone ring with his mouth) Who me? Uhh nah man, damn… I would, but I just got a call.

-Black Dude #1 hastily makes his way to the emergency exit

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Next, Suge approaches Black Dude #2

Suge: Sup nigga, wanna wrestle?

Black Dude #2: (pretending to hear an announcement off in the distance) Did I just hear them say they got chicken at the table???

-Black Dude #2 runs for his life

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Suge approaches the Black Dude #3, who was just standing next to Black Dude #2…

Suge: Yo nigga, let’s wrestle.

Black Dude #3: (whipping his sunshades out of his pocket and onto his face) Man, I used to wrestle all the time until a freak accident left me blind in both eyes. Sorry man.

-Black Dude #3 stumbles away with his hands out in front of him pretending to feel his way through the crowd

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This shit would continue to go on until there were no more black people left in the spot… just white people, because they’re always oblivious to danger lurking in the shadows.

Come to think of it, that’s probably how Kevin got caught up!

And even more proof this NIGGA doesn’t know how to conduct himself around human beings and just have a good time… check him out in this video from a party:

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Ooooo Ookie… the Feds Got Your Ass Now!

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that if I was a multi-millionaire I wouldn’t do a few crazy things here and there, but dammit, I would hire a designated driver… a weed carrier… gun toter… whatever I needed to do to keep my name off the police radar and out of the public eye – at least in negative instances. Besides… isn’t that what the whole idea of having an entourage with you at all times is for anyway? What good are these hang-er on-er guys if they can’t catch a case for you every now and again? Ask Diddy.

Michael Vick, aka Ookie, is the latest athlete who can’t seem to shake the nigga blues. As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, he’s been federally indicted for funding and actively participating in illegal dog fights under the business name Bad Newz Kennels. Not only is he charged with dog fights, BUT, they have witnesses and evidence from the search of his property in Smithfield, Virginia (yes, the same place where they can smoke a good ham!).

Again, as with Pacman Jones, will you please repeat after me… THEY SHOULDA NEVER GAVE THAT NIGGA MONEY!!!

Why in your herpes tainted mind, Michael Vick, would you risk your $13M a year NFL money on bullshit like dog fighting? It astounds me the idiocy of some of these guys.

So the dog fighting is just the tip of the iceberg. There are charges that dogs were “put to death by drowning, hanging, gunshot, electrocution, or another method.” WTF??? A witness even reports that they saw a dog killed by “slamming” it’s body to the ground!

I'm no PETA activist or even a huge fan of pets in general, but that is just ridiculous and shows a total lack of compassion for another living thing.

Other NFL players who still like to dabble in playing the nigga game are:

Ex Pittsburgh Steeler Richard Siegler: This fool was released from the Steelers this year because his name turned up in an investigation in his home-town, Las Vegas, for being a pimp… yes, dammit you read right… P I M P. Click here for video of the story.

Or what about Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals? He’s been suspended from the Bengals for a plethora of legal troubles, including pulling a gun during a fight, driving under the influence, weed possession, etc. And as of June of this year, he's under investigation for assaulting a 16 year old boy! Even if he never touched this kid, the situation doesn’t make him look good and he should be avoiding any and everything that casts him in a bad light considering he could easily be working at the car wash next season instead of playing in the NFL.

BLACK PEOPLE… we need to start a tribunal. We have to start calling these niggas to the stand and snatching their “I’m black” cards. Can I get some suggestions on who can sit as jurist? Because I’m sick of the Al Sharpton’s, Jesse Jackson’s and Russell Simmons’ of the world speaking in the media on our behalf as if they represent ALL black people.

I nominate Cornel West

Can you think of someone better?

If you are blessed with a talent that can net you millions of dollars a year, why can you NOT leave the ghetto mentality in your past and just DO BETTER? Oh yeah... honorable NIGGA MENTION and shouts out to white boy, Jared Allen of the Kansas City Chiefs on his two DUI cases. (Big Sigh)

PDF documents of the federal indictment and press release from Atlanta's CBS 46

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Don't look at my face... look at my TATS & CHAINS

When I have time, I peruse some of my favorite black gossip blogs. Today I was on Crunk & Disorderly and ran into this XXL Magazine cover. When might it occur to you that you have TOO MANY DAMN TATS?! Do you think Baby and Wayne got these Prison Break floorplan drawings on their bodies to distract from their not-so-handsome faces??? And I'm just gonna go ahead and start it right here... two (2) chain maximum. All those chains are unnecessary! We get it... we get it... you're a RICH Nigga :-\

Monday, July 16, 2007

Remy, Remy, Remy… (deep SIGH)

When the news broke over the weekend that Remy Ma was wanted on suspicion of attempted murder, I held back on posting about it because I wanted to wait until more details were made available. But now that the victim, 23 year old Makeda Barnes-Joseph, is talking to police and reporters, this is sounding like one of Dave’s segments of “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.”

According to Makeda, Remy shot her, reached past her to grab her purse, then proceeded to dump the contents of the purse out in the car in an effort to find $3,000 she accused Makeda of stealing from her earlier while she was holding purses for Remy and the rest of the girls at New York’s Pizza Bar.

After allegedly shooting Makeda, Remy jumps into her Escalade and rolls out… allegedly leaving her there to bleed to death. BUT… our girl Rem-Dawg, I guess realized she wasn’t really gully and thought to herself, "like OMG, like, I just shot my homie," and pulled a white woman falling in the woods while being chased by a serial killer move and crashed the damn Lade just two blocks from the shooting scene.

I know the music business can be tough on artists, especially rappers, but a missing $3,000 is not a good reason to shoot your friend. She could have just pulled a Naomi Campbell and hit the chick in the head with a phone or something… DAMN! Now she has court dates and jail to look forward to all over three grand??? That’s just damn stupid!

After being released on $250,000 bond, that the New York Daily News says her manager gave after putting up his house for collateral, Remy is free to contemplate her defense strategy and how she’s going to spin this thing to make her not look so bad. Her attorney, Scott Leemon, says we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions saying that things are “not always what they seem.” Well Scott, it seems like your client is a dumb-ass and you have your work cut out for you – seeing that the victim lived to tell the story and all!

_____________________________________________________________ On a comical note to all this, Makeda’s father, Boris Barnes, talked to reporters and told them that Remy “meant to kill” Makeda because she was "jealous" of his daughter’s "looks." I found a picture of Makeda over at Young Black & Fabulous… you be the judge:

Sunday, July 15, 2007

And the Ignorant Nigga Coon award for the week ending July 14th 2007 goes to:

Freekey Zekey’s new video for “Like This”

Apparently Asylum Records, the same label that houses Cam’Ron and a bunch of other talent challenged rappers, thought it was a good idea to front Freekey Zekey money to make an album – and unfortunately for us black people, a video. I guess they figured there was room in the world for another ignorance laden video.

At first I wasn’t going to post about Zeke because there are more well-known, mainstream rappers that ooze ignorance. I figured Zeke is just putting out what he thinks will give him street cred… respect. Fuck that! This video is just damn stupid… and I’ll address the other rappers in due time.

Besides, I was speaking with a friend via IM tonight and she expressed to me that she is fed up with rappers making songs only about money/strippers/cars. There are no strippers in this video, but money (at least Zeke wants you to think he’s got $$) and cars are topics… as well as his criminal prowess. WHATEVER!

So Zeke starts out with:

I’m a stone cold criminal…

Blah blah blah…

(Chorus [repeated several times thoughout])

Who else but them niggas they call the Dips

Surfin the city in that big five or the six

When the niggas talk shit

We throw the barrel to the hips

Oh baby

You never seen a nigga like this

Now I did shows all around the globe

Bitches on the dick ‘cause of the cars I drove

I’m in the mix, God forbid I get hit

But I guarantee you’ll never meet a nigga like this

Sorry boys, but there are indeed niggas like you on many street corners in many cities across America. Nothing real special or different about you or the nonsense you’re portraying in your video. Do some Chris Gardner (“Pursuit of Happyness”) shit and make stacks from the stock market or corporate America.

By the way, why are there NO women in the video? Maybe I should be happy about that, because if they were, they probably would have been scarcely clothed and shaking their asses for the camera.

What’s with the rapping and dancing bare-chested next to his boy/mans-n-‘em whatever you wanna call him?

Why is he sprawled across the roof of the car (while its in motion) like he’s on a model shoot for “Playgirl”?

At the end of the video, he’s holding up the Dipset charm & chain and a watch. Yeah, yeah Zeke, we see you have a few trinkets, but do you own property anywhere? Do you even own the truck in the beginning of the video or the car that you’re joyriding in like a teenager on prom night… hanging out the sunroof and passenger window???

And finally, what’s with the “Suck a dick, suck a dick, suck a dick, suck a dick… bitch!” at the end? The people watching the video are people you want to go and legally download from the ‘net or buy your music at a retailer… but you’re telling us to “suck a dick.” Brilliant!

Cool track, too bad it’s wasted on this bullshit. This song and video isn’t even mediocre… it’s just POINTLESS!